I want you exclusive… [maybe] we should just do this, with a feeling so strong, how can we go wrong? 

 MTB4, That part of the song speaks to my heart. Thats how I feel about Calvin, my favorite loser. But of course he doesn’t feel the same. It hurts to actually type that. Life goes on though, right? It doesn’t seem like it will.

In my first “real” relationship I made the mistake of making a nigga my everything. I told myself I wouldn’t do it again. And for a good while I hadn’t, then He came and disturbed the peace that I had created. Now Im left with nothing.

He was/is my everything, but I was his something on the side or whenever he wanted it. Foolishly I allowed myself to become that, all unknowingly. And for the past few weeks I’ve been giving him the last few pieces of me, down to my last tear; trying to hold on to “the good times”.

Yet and still nothing from him. I tear up everytime i think about it. He has me totally out of my character. I feel myself slipping and if I completely fall; I don’t think I’ll get back to the place I worked so hard to maintain. And let’s not add in the posssiblity of an unborn, which makes the sum of the equation much greater … in loss, for both he && I.

I want him to feel the pain & worthlessness that I feel when he’s out doing him. Baging the flock of Birds thats waiting to get their hands on him. This has me emotionally & physically sick. Excuse me as i reacquaint myself with the Porcelain god…