This song is speaking to my life, partake.

]]> http://stylistiic.com/blackbook/?feed=rss2&p=436 0 http://stylistiic.com/blackbook/?p=423 http://stylistiic.com/blackbook/?p=423#comments Sun, 01 Aug 2010 00:10:37 +0000 BAM! beano http://stylistiic.com/blackbook/?p=423 I needed a Window Seat. I said I didn’t care and fresh off the heels of my last post, I did something I shouldn’t have done.

I broke the friendship rule.

At the time, I felt bad but I couldn’t stop it from happening. There was too much momentum. I don’t know who knew him first, or who persuaded who. All I know is they took it there. It lasted but a moment, but it happened.

When I found that out it was already too late for me. I was caught in the whirl wind. It was just work, at first. A delicate plethora of parties & bullshit. When the steps led toward something more… I resisted, at first. I would never; I wouldn’t; I couldn’t; as much as I want to I just… ; maybe ; that was a long time ago.

One reason after another before I couldn’t take it. A relationship developed and love grew. Tragic, at times I still can’t believe myself. But what’s done is done.

I wanna go but I just keep coming back.

- Jazmine Sullivan

I just don’t want to be bothered. Not with with anyone. I simply don’t care if your nail broke, or who you’re fucking or even how your day was. Yes we are friends but I’m taking a break from life; everyone elses life.

So can I get a window seat don’t want nobody next to me. . .

I have a lot of opporutnity knocking, I just have to get up to open the door.

I  remember when Honey use to be sweet.

Sigh.

I’ve done a lot of maturing in the past three months. It has nothing to do with Resolutions or anything of that sort, but 2010 has been a real eye opener.

I am a CHRONIC procrastinator. I swear I don’t do it purposely. S&F is still not up. I haven’t designed any more tees. I’m behind on my school work. I haven’t been dancing. Let’s not even mention this blog. SMH. I need a life coach! Lol. Seeing as I’ll be 24 this year i definitely need to get things prioritized. & I plan too. But I always plan too.

But lets talk about these REAL EYES REALIZING REAL LIES. There have been many times when I may have noticed things about people and I would simply never say anything. Now, I am not known to keep my thoughts or feelings to myself. But for tact’s sake I try to keep my comments to myself. My role is not that of the embarrassing friend. I don’t like to burst people’s bubbles, I just want them to know- you can’t fool me. Let them portray their lives the way they want. Even if they don’t live it. But I always keep my eye on Judas. (This could be series lol.)

An eye is not always enough. I know many people but I don’t have many friends and for good reason. There’s a girl I know, who’s facade I’ve fueled; calling her apple activity orange. There’s nothing wrong with an adult doing want he or she wants, no you may not want everyone in your “business” but the only reason that they know , is because you tell them. Its a game of telephone. You tell me this, you tell her that; different stories same EXACT circle. Juvenile. Then when confrontation approaches, synthetic terms of admiration are thrown- sweetie, honey. Yes you!  O_o.

And if you’re reading, no matter how much you DENY it, you’ve exposed yourself to be a liar, a traitor, someone undeserving of true friendship. The fault is not in the action, but in the lie. && I’ll say this JUST AS A REMINDER: let’s not forget who we really are and get beside ourselves.

I’ve tried my best the past months to not be jerk and call apples, apples. Inevitably the juice will spill. When fruit rots its usually from the inside out.

; )

FIN.

Sad state of affairs, as Adrie would say.

Me & You
all day, all night.
Sleep? A distant memory.
I wanna be in love,
so why not with you?

M I A M I
(that’s me in the back on the left, when i was thick lol)

I say its genetic, she called it a lifestyle.
Chasing the fame, “squeezing the lime for the light.
Living outside the fantasy, knocking on the door hoping to get a glimpse
If I do this enough times and to enough people, it’ll increase the odds.
Someone might recognize me.. enough to put me in a video or take me on the road.
Anything’s better than home.

But she was the reflection she ran from. Her shadow always beat her to the destination. She was higher on the Totem Pole than an average fan, more passionate than the typical stan.

Still, she had no goals, no ambition.

She just wants to be Famous.