Depression? Maybe.
I just don’t want to be bothered. Not with with anyone. I simply don’t care if your nail broke, or who you’re fucking or even how your day was. Yes we are friends but I’m taking a break from life; everyone elses life.
So can I get a window seat don’t want nobody next to me. . .
I have a lot of opporutnity knocking, I just have to get up to open the door.
I remember when Honey use to be sweet.
Sigh.
play on words, but so true.
I’ve done a lot of maturing in the past three months. It has nothing to do with Resolutions or anything of that sort, but 2010 has been a real eye opener.
I am a CHRONIC procrastinator. I swear I don’t do it purposely. S&F is still not up. I haven’t designed any more tees. I’m behind on my school work. I haven’t been dancing. Let’s not even mention this blog. SMH. I need a life coach! Lol. Seeing as I’ll be 24 this year i definitely need to get things prioritized. & I plan too. But I always plan too.
But lets talk about these REAL EYES REALIZING REAL LIES. There have been many times when I may have noticed things about people and I would simply never say anything. Now, I am not known to keep my thoughts or feelings to myself. But for tact’s sake I try to keep my comments to myself. My role is not that of the embarrassing friend. I don’t like to burst people’s bubbles, I just want them to know- you can’t fool me. Let them portray their lives the way they want. Even if they don’t live it. But I always keep my eye on Judas. (This could be series lol.)
An eye is not always enough. I know many people but I don’t have many friends and for good reason. There’s a girl I know, who’s facade I’ve fueled; calling her apple activity orange. There’s nothing wrong with an adult doing want he or she wants, no you may not want everyone in your “business” but the only reason that they know , is because you tell them. Its a game of telephone. You tell me this, you tell her that; different stories same EXACT circle. Juvenile. Then when confrontation approaches, synthetic terms of admiration are thrown- sweetie, honey. Yes you! O_o.
And if you’re reading, no matter how much you DENY it, you’ve exposed yourself to be a liar, a traitor, someone undeserving of true friendship. The fault is not in the action, but in the lie. && I’ll say this JUST AS A REMINDER: let’s not forget who we really are and get beside ourselves.
I’ve tried my best the past months to not be jerk and call apples, apples. Inevitably the juice will spill. When fruit rots its usually from the inside out.
; )
FIN.
I feel like I’ve used this title already. Overkill on this subject. Just when you think you have a core group of friends… what would have been a 12 year friendship- down the shitter. For reasons I can’t explain. Not because I don’t want to, but because I don’t know.
Sad state of affairs, as Adrie would say.
Baby, I’ve missed you.
The warmth of you on my skin..
I can’t wait to see you again.
To feel you again.
This time we won’t be disturbed.
Me & You
all day, all night.
Sleep? A distant memory.
I wanna be in love,
so why not with you?
I say its genetic, she called it a lifestyle.
Chasing the fame, “squeezing the lime for the light.
Living outside the fantasy, knocking on the door hoping to get a glimpse
If I do this enough times and to enough people, it’ll increase the odds.
Someone might recognize me.. enough to put me in a video or take me on the road.
Anything’s better than home.
But she was the reflection she ran from. Her shadow always beat her to the destination. She was higher on the Totem Pole than an average fan, more passionate than the typical stan.
Still, she had no goals, no ambition.
She just wants to be Famous.
so im having issues w. my database.
As you can see, no images are showing up. I had to reboot WP and luckily I was able to get my posts back.
To be continued…
Where do I start? When I was younger I was a very angry kid; real cynical, sinister & manipulative. A bully. I believe that was because I was unhappy and that was my way of relieving the frustrations of my life. I fought boys on a daily- I liked it. I had to prove to them that I was strong. Somewhere down the line I changed because instead of wanting to fight them, I wanted to love them.
My first relationship introduced me to how fucked up boys can be. He was older, a short dude, smooth talker, cute- popular. The perfect recipe for disater. He molded me. I was a ‘ride or die.’ A fool. Though he taught me dedication and I was proving my loyalty to the unloyal. He scarred me and I vowed to never let it happen again. To be so deep into any guy that I lose myself. And in the relationships that followed I got deep enough to get my feet wet, in some instances knee-high. I wouldn’t be submerged.
I called Time Out, but was I sure?
I hadn’t seen him. I was drowning in work. Day and night, no time for anything other than the money that was fueling me. But it had been awhile since I’d went out for leisure. So I went out with my girl in tow.
It was a dry night but one of The Bay’s best DJ’s was spinning so it was worth it. And for the first time in a long time we made it to the venue EARLY. Unbelieveable. I guess in my absence of clubbing chicks decided to stepped their clothing game up- I wasn’t impressed. Lol. There was a nice mix of ages and ethnicities, surprisingly. My girl and I stopped at the bar, another over look of the crowd and I knew I would be needing a drink or 2 … or 3. Amaretto!, Amaretto! And before I knew it I was there. My drinking isnt what it use to be, shout out to the light-weights. Lol.
The club is filling and the jams are playing, I look over and unexpectedly see Him. We embraced it was strong but not lust driven like they use to be. And of course he was with a slew of people, many who I knew. We all hugged and chatted for a bit before we dispersed. My girl & I stood on a small platform and looked over the crowd. Though a plethora of room, chicks always want to cuddle up on any box. Not a good look. Dirty looks exchanged we bounced to VIP, as does most of the club.